These last 2 1/2 months I have made a lot of progress with my personal struggles. I have become more aware of how I am feeling and how I come across to others. I focus on positivity and it shows in the people around me. I will share more details of my journey start later. Today, it's about something else.....
I did what I was supposed to. I went to college, graduated with a degree and then went out to work. Was it a glamorous job? No. Did it pay the bills? That and more. Did I enjoy it? In the beginning. I spent nearly a decade working for McDonalds. I met some of the greatest people I will ever know, I could pretty much buy whatever I wanted to, I got to have vacations, great insurance but at some point it all changed for me. It was in the last few years when I was working 45+ hours each week and depending on where I had to pick up Lily from it was an hour drive minimum 1 way. I seemed to be stuck in a position I never thought I would never move from. So, I left.
You know it had to be bad to leave for a paycut, lose vacation and work more hours. But I did it. I struggled with the new job at first, I just didn't feel like I was getting anywhere with the training. Sheer fear is what I credit now. I moved up with this company fast! 11 months in and I had been moved between 5 stores, always onto a bigger/busier one. Then in March I got "my very own store." It was so difficult in the beginning because I was new, I was scared and I think the employees could smell my fear. Fast forward to early summer and things start going a little better. Fast forward a little farther and I'm just as miserable in less than 2 years than I was with McDonalds after 9.
I am the kind of person who does not like to rush. I keep finding myself in that type of business. Do more with less and do it faster than before. I get it, that's the retail world. I do not belong there. I like to be appreciated for what I am doing and to be able to take the time to actually show others that they are appreciated.
Most of all, I want a job that doesn't take most of my waking moments and suck them up. I feel like I have missed most of the last 5 years of my beautiful daughters' life. Because, I did what I was supposed to do. I get so jealous of stay at home mom's and dad's. I don't think what they do is any easier, but it has to be far more rewarding. On the other hand, I love being able to have extra money to eat out, go shopping or go out and have fun. My life has felt incredibly unbalanced.
It's time to change that. I want to teach my daughter about people, feelings and quality of life not about what money can buy.
My husband recently told me that I have some "things" that I need to let go. I have to learn to let stuff go. My daughter can still turn out as a beautiful person inside and out with many talents and lots of friends even if she doesn't have everything the other kids do.
We will be fine without all of the extras we have become accustomed to.
So now what I like to think of as my real journey begins....
I am going to do what I have to in order to spend more time doing what I love (reaching out to others and help them and helping myself live a healthy life,) spending time with my daughter and my husband (both of whom I have neglected too much for too long already,) and getting back to my time with God. My friend Tammie recently agreed with me about how I felt better when I gave my time to Him and felt His presence.
I have so many blessings and that is where my time and energy deserve to be spent.
I am thankful that this all started because of me but with the help of someone who is special to me. Without her, I wouldn't have made changes and given the time to take care of what I need to. My coach Krysta is my rock. She gives me guidance and keeps me grounded. I don't even think she knows how deep her impact sits with me.
I want to spend my days waking up when I set my schedule. I want to get my workouts done while my family sleeps, spend the day taking care of my home and my family. Having all of my meals (basically) at home so I control what goes into my body. Then spending time connecting with old friends and new and helping them the way Krysta chose to help me. Having nights again with my family and not worrying about every single thing I have to do the next day and how someone else is going to feel about what I have or have not done.
I feel a bit like I am rambling now but I when I get to thinking about my dreams and how this is going to be my year I get so excited. There is much coming up that I am looking forward to. Also, hopefully the big change that I desperately crave so I can move on. I know that much of this post seems to a downer. But you have to know the beginning to understand the well, continuation.... because my journey doesn't come to an end until my spirit soars.
Just you wait until I start telling you about health and fitness. You are going to be amazed at all I have to say....
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